A
bridge is a place of movement and flux. It is never designed to be destination
unto itself – an endpoint to be reached – but rather as a place to be passed. A
place of transition. And there are many different types of bridges. Some are
big, some are small; some are high, some are low. Some are aesthetically
imposing – outstanding monuments to human ingenuity – and others are eyesores.
A humble log may suit the role, but then again an entire canyon’s worth of
steel may be required. But however spare or elaborate, to be a bridge is to be
defined by becoming; it is to be known by where one is coming from and where
one is going to.
Bridges define the cityscape of Portland,
Oregon. The residents are proud of their city’s many bridges, some referring to
the city as Bridgetown. In a way, each bridge is a work of chaos. Whether
jutting out of a steep promontory or precariously spanning the river, they seem
unnaturally fixed, as if irreverently placed by a careless child. Indeed, the
order embodied in the city’s geometric street grid makes for a series of interesting
contrasts when juxtaposed to the bridges’ diagonal spans and zigzagging lines.
Their flamboyance seems to suspend all conceptions of order and hierarchy, even
though, in reality, they are an important part of this great order – perhaps its
boldest achievement.
In truth, their very number hints
towards their place in this greater order. Thus the Burnside Bridge connects
the east side of the river to the heart of downtown; moving eastward along the
Hawthorne Bridge, one finds themselves in the glitzier of the city’s
neighborhoods. And traversing the river by way of the St. John’s Bridge, the
traveler is overcome with sense of awe. The bridge’s cathedral-like spans seem to
capture the essence of the city, in all its profane grandeur. And below all of
these bridges lies the Willamette River, a natural bridge in its own right,
which connects with the Columbia River before disgorging its heavy load into
the great Pacific expanse.
The greatest contradiction that these
bridges embody, however, is the tension between eternity and temporality. Built
of steel and rock, they are made to last even though their function is of the
most transient kind. After all, they are by their very nature a point of
transition; a moment in time, a place to be passed, a checkmark on a map. Yet
this point of transition is of immense importance: for unless one completes the
crossing they will not be able to continue the journey. It is through this
truth that the bridge draws its significance. The endpoint cannot be reached
unless the bridge is first crossed. So while the traveler may be in the process
of reaching or becoming an endpoint, the bridge is of no less consequence than
the destination desired. Without passing the bridge, reaching or becoming thus
far, the traveler cannot expect to reach or become the endpoint that the bridge
eventually incarnates. To not cross the bridge is to throw the journey’s entire
trajectory off course.
________
Lately there has been a lot of activity
on Vista Bridge. Large and long, with a span of 76 meters, the bridge is
formidably built, though it lacks any trace of showy adornment. Indeed perhaps
its most distinctive trait is the way in which it complements the surrounding landscape.
While at one time its muscular construction was undoubtedly a point of pride
amongst residents, now it competes for supremacy with the trees that frame its
course. For truth be told, Vista Bridge is an old bridge – a much traveled and
“historic” part of the Goose Hollow neighborhood, but one whose age is
beginning to show. Wizened by exposure to wind, heat and – most of all –
Portland’s infamous rain, its façade has faded and superficial cracks line its
concrete path, like the wrinkles of a well-traveled sailor.
It might then seem odd that Vista
Bridge has been the subject of so much attention and controversy as of late. But
this apparently unassuming bridge has a bad reputation. Almost since its
opening in 1926, the bridge has been a favorite spot for those attempting to
commit suicide, a fact that has earned it the nickname, the “Suicide Bridge”. From
2004-2011, 13 people jumped to their deaths from Vista Bridge. This August the
most recent suicide occurred while a suicide prevention volunteer – regular
patrols are carried out by trained volunteers – was attempting to talk the
victim out of jumping. In fact, the problem has escalated to the point where
the city has erected a temporary barrier on the bridge until a permanent
barrier can be installed.
Thus the bridge is not simply a bridge,
but something more. Or perhaps we have yet to understand what a bridge is. For
Vista Bridge confronts us with uncomfortable questions, unanswered questions,
about what it means to live in Portland. What it means to be human in a city of
bridges; a world of redundant tension and intolerable convention, punctuated by
yet another bridge. It is impossible for us to get into the minds of those who
jumped before they took the fall, but I think it is a task worth trying – to
spend a little time patrolling the bridge.
________
Why do desperate people choose the
bridge? There are many ways to die – especially when one gets to choose – so
why here? But to understand a bridge once must first understand its city. A
city, like a bridge, is a special place. It is a manmade phenomenon,
constructed by human design rather than the blueprints of nature. Indeed the
city is forever at odds with the natural order, even the needs of the human
architects themselves: while it attracts great masses of people, it also
prevents the most elementary of human relations. In the city one learns that it
is possible to be alone in a crowd; to be surrounded by thousands and be known
to none. The bonds of community are split by concrete partitions, dead-end jobs,
walls of empty rooms and the combustible institution of the nuclear family – a
combination ripe to explode. It is a sinkhole for dreams; a place where one
goes to make it big and loses their sense of humanity in the process. For many
others, it is a place of necessity: they were born into this concrete cell, and
here they will stay. There is nowhere else to go.
As the prospect for finding meaning in
the city dims, the human existent becomes more frantic. They may have started
out well but somehow got lost along the way. Everything seems meaningless. Within
the city one’s identity is subsumed in its crowds and conventions, even as the
nameless existent feels sharply alienated from both. Thus one comes to feel as
if they are both everywhere and nowhere at the same time. And this alienation
comes to be the most common and resonant feeling – the only feeling, in fact,
which reminds them that they are alive. Getting their kicks means freeing
themselves from the pain of alienation: to relax is to become numb, to lose all
sense of one’s senses. The bottle or pills will do the trick. Of course,
similar alienation can arise from all manner of conditions – including the deep
emptiness of the countryside or the manufactured monotony of the suburb – but
the city evokes it in terms with the cruelest poignance. Here, you are nothing.
________
Maybe this is why people choose the
bridge (or a tower, for that matter). Lost in the stranglehold of the city, with its
stern streets and faceless crowds, they look for a place to breathe, a place to
stand and be known – to exist. The bridge provides such an outlet, as it seems
to leave the conventionality of the city in order to rise above it. Again, the
bridge embodies contradictions: it is a focal point of city life despite the
fact that it represents transience, being by nature a place to be passed.
So they go to the bridge, to rise above
the sterile chaos of the city, to see with clarity and, above all, to be known.
On top of the bridge they launch one last salvo for life, a SOS signal by way
of their very presence on that precarious peak. It is as if they are shouting
“I am! Can you see me?” But on the bridge they once more come face to face with
their smallness, their finitude: the city lies before them unmoved, once more
registering their insignificance. Before this panorama of glazed eyes and steel
facades, their alienation feels complete.
They are overwhelmed. Above all they
are alone and they feel it. Deeply. In a desperate attempt to find resolution –
an endpoint, no more bridges and run-arounds – they decide to jump. In doing
so, they will transcend their loneliness as well as the great weight of their
hollow existence. It is only by killing themselves in this most public of
places that they will become known, validated – they will begin to exist, even
if just in someone’s memory. Like Alain Leroy from The Fire Within, they will inscribe their existence on the life of
another by leaving an “indelible mark” on their memory. Their existence will
finally be felt, if not by their presence then by their absence. True, there
may be no witnesses but there will always be someone who finds the body. And
they will remember. At the very least, they will not be able to forget.
Jumping from the bridge, they suddenly
free themselves from the city – in which they were alienated but subsumed – before
asserting their identity – their existence – on the pavement. As they hit the
pavement they reenter the world, this time as a broken but complete being, one
whose existence has been realized precisely because it cannot be forgotten.
________
Vista Bridge is a sad place, a place
where those on the interstices of society choose to position themselves for
final act. But perhaps what makes Vista Bridge a place of special tragedy is the
fact that these people, by and large, are not unique to society; the fact that
there is no lack of such people anywhere, those looking for meaning,
validation, friendship. To truly exist. Is this what they saw as they looked
over the edge towards the city: a million terrified faces just like their own?
What a terrible sight to behold. One is reminded of the words of Bob Dylan, that “there are many here among us,
who feel that life is but a joke.” The song is, of course, “All Along the
Watchtower,” an epic song about a landmark of similar significance.
One of the few powers that a person is
granted is the choice to live, though this is a decidedly uncertain and all too
often compromised freedom. Yet, all the
same, we begin with this fact: the discovery that we are alive. To claim that one is not free by the fact of
their unchosen, and perhaps unwanted, existence is to delude one’s self. One can only begin to be free
or enslaved after the realization of their existence: life does not by itself
denote enslavement, as one cannot claim to be free and never have existed.
Those who never were or who are dead are not free; by way of their nonexistence
they simply are not. One must be
before one can be free or unfree.
The problem, then, arises from living in
a world which for many people does not appear to be worth living in whether one
is free or unfree. And the question posed, then, is this: how does one create a world
in which bridges actually lead somewhere, to places worth going to; places
worth living in? This is not an easy question, but it is one worth pursuing:
To spend some time patrolling the bridge.